When I look back at my life, I realize there were countless signs that pointed to me being transgender. Some were subtle, others more obvious once I looked back on them. Yet, for much of my life, I either ignored or rationalized them away. Now that I’ve embraced my identity as a trans woman, I can see how all these moments formed a larger picture—one that ultimately led me to live authentically. Here are some reflections on what I discovered.
From Rationalization to Realization
For much of my life, I rationalized these signs. I told myself things like, “I just enjoy feminine aesthetics,” or “It’s normal to envy androgynous appearances.” Over time, however, the sheer accumulation of evidence became undeniable. Occam’s Razor prevailed: the simplest explanation was that I’m trans.
At one point, a stranger at a mall referred to me as a woman, saying, “She’s hot.” At the time, I didn’t hear it myself; my wife overheard the comment and shared it with me later, knowing it would bring me joy (even though I was "taken" for a woman while not identifying as such at the time).
Another moment was when I bought a skirt on Christmas Eve, intending to wear it only in private. I remember the thrill of holding it, and the strange mix of excitement and fear at the thought of being "found out." Even though I kept it hidden, wearing it felt like a secret victory.
There were also my childhood experiments, like the time I made a skirt out of duct tape. It wasn’t about fashion—I didn’t even know what I was doing back then. It just felt right, even if I quickly destroyed the "evidence" afterward.
When I started coloring my hair, it felt like taking control of my appearance in a way I’d never had before. I experimented with bold colors, and every time someone complimented me, it felt like they were validating a part of me I was just beginning to understand.
A Quantitative Look at the Signs
After realizing I was trans, I gradually cataloged 53 distinct signs that pointed toward my trans identity. When analyzing them, I categorized each as indicative of being a trans woman (TW), non-binary* (NB), or generally indicative of being trans but not specific enough to suggest being a trans woman or non-binary (TA).
*Non-binary describes someone whose gender identity isn’t strictly male or female. It’s part of the transgender spectrum but distinct from being a trans man or woman.
Here’s the breakdown:
29 signs suggested I was a trans woman (TW)
18 signs were general indicators of being trans (TA)
6 signs aligned more with being non-binary (NB)
While there are aspects of myself that align with non-binary experiences, which likely contributed to why I initially identified as non-binary, the dominance of signs pointing toward being a trans woman is undeniable. With 29 signs aligned with trans womanhood compared to just 6 pointing to non-binary identity, it became clear to me over time that I am a trans woman. This data reinforced my certainty and helped me embrace my identity with confidence.
Signs Across Time
One fascinating aspect of this journey is how the signs were distributed across my life. From early childhood moments, such as wanting to be a girl in primary school, to more recent realizations like my deep interest in the effects of HRT, the signs spanned decades.
The timeline shows clusters of signs during key periods of exploration, such as my mid-30s, when I began actively questioning my identity. These clusters reflect how moments of self-discovery often build on one another.
Embracing My Truth
Each of these moments, no matter how small, was a step toward self-discovery. While it took decades to piece them together, I’m grateful for every sign that nudged me closer to living authentically as a trans woman. Importantly, I didn’t recognize these signs as being trans at the time—they only made sense in retrospect after realizing I was trans. My journey has shown me that understanding your identity isn’t always linear, but every step matters.
If you’re questioning your own gender, know that your experiences are valid. Pay attention to the small things—even if they don’t make sense right now, they might just be leading you to your truth.
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